Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Monday, 24 August 2009
Learning from others stories
What I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Divorced
'Five friends and I were having breakfast one morning when our conversation turned to our friend Cindy.* She was convinced divorce was the answer to her problems.....'
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Book Recommendation for married couples
The Five love languages
New York Times Bestseller
How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate
by Gary Chapman.
This book also includes a five love languages personal assessment tool!!
Purchase it here for only £4.99
New York Times Bestseller
How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate
by Gary Chapman.
This book also includes a five love languages personal assessment tool!!
Purchase it here for only £4.99
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Learning from others stories...
I Had an Affair
My husband wasn't making me happy. So why not look elsewhere for intimacy? Lyn Mackenzie
Read the whole article here
Saturday, 15 August 2009
Marriage - a few more helpful communication tips
6 Communication Connections
These tips can improve the way you and your mate communicate. But be aware, not all men and women will share these characteristics.
1. Women are inclined to want "feeling" conversations, while men lean toward problem solving. Ensure you are clear about the kind of conversation you expect to have.
2. Women give and want to hear lots of details; men go for the bottom line.
3. When a woman says, "Nothings wrong," something usually is. Husbands—offer to be a sympathetic listener when she's ready to talk.
4. A husband wants to be part of the solution to a problem, not viewed as the problem.
5. Men tend to dislike unsolicited advice—they presume their mate believes they can't handle things on their own.
6. When a woman is upset and emotional, just listen. Attempting to offer an explanation will frequently be taken as invalidation.
These tips can improve the way you and your mate communicate. But be aware, not all men and women will share these characteristics.
1. Women are inclined to want "feeling" conversations, while men lean toward problem solving. Ensure you are clear about the kind of conversation you expect to have.
2. Women give and want to hear lots of details; men go for the bottom line.
3. When a woman says, "Nothings wrong," something usually is. Husbands—offer to be a sympathetic listener when she's ready to talk.
4. A husband wants to be part of the solution to a problem, not viewed as the problem.
5. Men tend to dislike unsolicited advice—they presume their mate believes they can't handle things on their own.
6. When a woman is upset and emotional, just listen. Attempting to offer an explanation will frequently be taken as invalidation.
Friday, 14 August 2009
Forgiveness - really!!
Unforgiveness is like taking poison in hopes that the other guy will die.
Forgiveness has more to do with your tongue than your head or heart. If you're still talking about it, you haven't forgiven.
Someone once said to Jesus, 'How many times shall I forgive?" What's changed in over 2000 years? Offering forgiveness is never easy for anyone in my book, especially when you have been hurt or betrayed in someone you love or have trusted. It takes a huge amount of courage, strength of character, faith and love to do it.
Jesus was and is passionate about forgiving others and calls his followers to do likewise. How many times....."70 X 7" - WOW!! That's not a formula to go and figure out how many times you need to actually offer forgiveness, Jesus was informing us of our way of life.
Jesus' mercy and grace know no limits and is the bench mark for us to move towards. Tough I here you say! Yes it is, and you need God to help you to forgive when your natural ability runs out. Jesus didn't just talk about forgiveness, he modeled it for a reason - FOR US TO FOLLOW.
The fact is, that when we release forgiveness to others we actually release ourselves from harboring bitterness, becoming critical, being defensive, angry, fearful etc. Every time you offer forgiveness to others there is a power released. Forgiveness will set you free and it will actually change you for the better. This is key to your own personal growth and equip you to serve and help others more effectively.
Remember, Jesus said, "Forgive as you have been forgiven". In other words keep your eyes fixed on the cross - on Jesus and remember the full extent of his love for you. Now go and do likewise!
Not an easy path to walk but I challenge you today to choose to forgive...
Forgiveness has more to do with your tongue than your head or heart. If you're still talking about it, you haven't forgiven.
Someone once said to Jesus, 'How many times shall I forgive?" What's changed in over 2000 years? Offering forgiveness is never easy for anyone in my book, especially when you have been hurt or betrayed in someone you love or have trusted. It takes a huge amount of courage, strength of character, faith and love to do it.
Jesus was and is passionate about forgiving others and calls his followers to do likewise. How many times....."70 X 7" - WOW!! That's not a formula to go and figure out how many times you need to actually offer forgiveness, Jesus was informing us of our way of life.
Jesus' mercy and grace know no limits and is the bench mark for us to move towards. Tough I here you say! Yes it is, and you need God to help you to forgive when your natural ability runs out. Jesus didn't just talk about forgiveness, he modeled it for a reason - FOR US TO FOLLOW.
The fact is, that when we release forgiveness to others we actually release ourselves from harboring bitterness, becoming critical, being defensive, angry, fearful etc. Every time you offer forgiveness to others there is a power released. Forgiveness will set you free and it will actually change you for the better. This is key to your own personal growth and equip you to serve and help others more effectively.
Remember, Jesus said, "Forgive as you have been forgiven". In other words keep your eyes fixed on the cross - on Jesus and remember the full extent of his love for you. Now go and do likewise!
Not an easy path to walk but I challenge you today to choose to forgive...
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
Transforming the mind
"Sow a thought
... Reap an act,
Sow an act
... Reap a habit,
Sow a habit
... Reap a character
Sow a character
... Reap a destiny!"
No other comment necessary today!
... Reap an act,
Sow an act
... Reap a habit,
Sow a habit
... Reap a character
Sow a character
... Reap a destiny!"
No other comment necessary today!
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Think on this...
"If your church is serious about reaching the unchurched, you must be willing to put up with people who have a lot of problems…Fishing is often messy and smelly. Many churches want the fish they catch to be already scaled, gutted, cleaned, and cooked. That is why they never reach anyone." - Rick Warren
Monday, 10 August 2009
Friday, 7 August 2009
Our Interesting Approaches to Tithing and what really works
Read this article by Jim Killam that I thought was great. A little long but worth the read.
As parents of three college-age persons, my wife and I now have an early-year ritual. We file the tax returns, and then we file something called the FAFSA—the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. This shows us exactly how much financial aid our kids will not get for college in the coming year.
Once you plug in your financial and tax information, the government spits back your Expected Family Contribution. This produced quite a surprise the first year we did it.
"Look at the number," I said. "It's almost exactly the amount we tithed last year."
We both said, "Hmmm," and then quickly dismissed a thought.
Tithing has been part of our marriage from the beginning. We wouldn't change that, but over 24 years, I'd be lying if I said our accompanying attitude was always great. We've either experienced or witnessed some interesting approaches to tithing. Some were slightly out of balance. Others were seriously twisted. The list goes something like this:
Tithing as a bribe to God. We can't be the only ones who ever thought, We'd better keep tithing because we're afraid of what might happen to us if we stopped. It's sort of like paying off the neighborhood mob boss every month to keep the riffraff out of your store.
I remember hearing a sermon once where the pastor said that God evens everything out—that, for instance, when we tithe, maybe the car doesn't break down so often or the kids don't get sick. Maybe that's true for some, but I've often found the opposite: When we decide to give a little extra, that's the week the car gives out. Sometimes it feels like a test.
Tithing as a padlock. As in, "We'd really like to be able to help that needy person down the street, but all our extra money is locked into that weekly tithe check." We never did this consciously, but thinking back, we certainly did it. I pray we never do it again.
Tithing as a tax deduction. Hey, it crosses all of our minds. Why do you think late December is the biggest income period for churches? Is this wrong? Certainly I won't refuse the deduction, but if tax savings is the prime motivator for giving, then I'm pretty sure it's not honoring God. A good test: Do we think twice about giving—substantially—to someone in need if they're not an IRS-recognized charitable organization?
Tithing as a political weapon. We've seen people withhold their tithe when they didn't like a change in a church's musical styles. Or the youth ministry. Or a pastor's salary. Or any number of other reasons that totally lose the point of giving and that must truly grieve God.
Tithing as a game of keep-away: Is it really supposed to be 10 percent? Of the net or the gross? If it's the net, then do we need to tithe our tax return? Can we claim the kids as deductions? What about college tuition? What if it was a Christian school? If we also give to missionaries, does that count as part of the 10 percent or does that have to be extra? Can we depreciate that Bible we bought last year?
We turn God into the heavenly IRS. Giving becomes, "What's the least we can give and still pass?"
Tithing as punishment: Longtime tithers, don't tell me that at least once you haven't looked at your friends with the bigger homes and nicer cars and better vacations and whined, "Well, gee, if we didn't tithe we could have some of those nice things too."
Tithing as an act of pride. Take the previous statement and add: "Good thing we're more spiritual than they are. They'll get theirs someday." You don't even have to say it aloud. Just let your mind go there and the damage is done.
Tithing as a sacrifice. As in, "Here, God, take what little extra we'd have had this week. We know it's for your kingdom. We'll just scrape along. Don't worry about us." Tithing certainly is a worthy sacrifice, but when we think of it chiefly as that, we start to resent it. And then we might as well not give at all.
Tithing as an investment: Viewed correctly, it's scripturally sound: Jesus told us to store up treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:20). What better way to do that than invest in efforts to help get people there? As pastor and author Mark Driscoll says: "You can't take it with you, but you can send it on ahead." The caution is, we can forget the words in heaven and quickly move from Jesus' teaching to the slot-machine model: Put a check in the offering plate and wait for the quick payout.
"Have to" to "Get to"
So where does that leave us, after 24 years and lots of mistakes? How about . . .
Tithing as an act of worship.
Everything we have is God's. We're just the temporary caretakers. What a privilege to be able to give a chunk of money back to him to be used for his honor. And if the word tithing holds too much legalistic baggage for you—or, conversely, if it's too limiting—then just call it giving.
Do we ever have a season where it's okay not to tithe? In our experience, no. We'll sometimes direct part of that tithe to different places if there's an urgent need. But I don't think it's a good idea to stop tithing to pay off credit-card debt or, I don't know, maybe college tuition. Financial expert Dave Ramsey once told me in an interview that he and his wife tithed all the way into deep debt and all the way back out—the latter half as a way of showing God they trusted him completely. In a bad economy, that still seems like good advice.
I'm convinced that God isn't as concerned about a percentage as he is about an attitude. My wife and I used to give 10 percent of net. Then we increased by 1 percent a year for several years, until we'd reached 10 percent of gross. Now we feel like that's a good base point, and it's supported biblically (Deuteronomy 14 and 26, among many other places). Sometimes we're able to give more and sometimes we're not. But there's no "have to" any more. Now it's "get to." We're free to give as God leads us, and it's a blast.
All of which Paul summarizes perfectly in 2 Corinthians 9:7: "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."
As for those college costs? I don't think it was an accident that the numbers matched so closely to our tithes. We've come to think of it as God simply saying, "Trust me."
Jim Killam, a MarriagePartnership.com regular contributor, teaches journalism at Northern Illinois University and is co-author of Rescuing the Raggedy Man (Xulon).
As parents of three college-age persons, my wife and I now have an early-year ritual. We file the tax returns, and then we file something called the FAFSA—the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. This shows us exactly how much financial aid our kids will not get for college in the coming year.
Once you plug in your financial and tax information, the government spits back your Expected Family Contribution. This produced quite a surprise the first year we did it.
"Look at the number," I said. "It's almost exactly the amount we tithed last year."
We both said, "Hmmm," and then quickly dismissed a thought.
Tithing has been part of our marriage from the beginning. We wouldn't change that, but over 24 years, I'd be lying if I said our accompanying attitude was always great. We've either experienced or witnessed some interesting approaches to tithing. Some were slightly out of balance. Others were seriously twisted. The list goes something like this:
Tithing as a bribe to God. We can't be the only ones who ever thought, We'd better keep tithing because we're afraid of what might happen to us if we stopped. It's sort of like paying off the neighborhood mob boss every month to keep the riffraff out of your store.
I remember hearing a sermon once where the pastor said that God evens everything out—that, for instance, when we tithe, maybe the car doesn't break down so often or the kids don't get sick. Maybe that's true for some, but I've often found the opposite: When we decide to give a little extra, that's the week the car gives out. Sometimes it feels like a test.
Tithing as a padlock. As in, "We'd really like to be able to help that needy person down the street, but all our extra money is locked into that weekly tithe check." We never did this consciously, but thinking back, we certainly did it. I pray we never do it again.
Tithing as a tax deduction. Hey, it crosses all of our minds. Why do you think late December is the biggest income period for churches? Is this wrong? Certainly I won't refuse the deduction, but if tax savings is the prime motivator for giving, then I'm pretty sure it's not honoring God. A good test: Do we think twice about giving—substantially—to someone in need if they're not an IRS-recognized charitable organization?
Tithing as a political weapon. We've seen people withhold their tithe when they didn't like a change in a church's musical styles. Or the youth ministry. Or a pastor's salary. Or any number of other reasons that totally lose the point of giving and that must truly grieve God.
Tithing as a game of keep-away: Is it really supposed to be 10 percent? Of the net or the gross? If it's the net, then do we need to tithe our tax return? Can we claim the kids as deductions? What about college tuition? What if it was a Christian school? If we also give to missionaries, does that count as part of the 10 percent or does that have to be extra? Can we depreciate that Bible we bought last year?
We turn God into the heavenly IRS. Giving becomes, "What's the least we can give and still pass?"
Tithing as punishment: Longtime tithers, don't tell me that at least once you haven't looked at your friends with the bigger homes and nicer cars and better vacations and whined, "Well, gee, if we didn't tithe we could have some of those nice things too."
Tithing as an act of pride. Take the previous statement and add: "Good thing we're more spiritual than they are. They'll get theirs someday." You don't even have to say it aloud. Just let your mind go there and the damage is done.
Tithing as a sacrifice. As in, "Here, God, take what little extra we'd have had this week. We know it's for your kingdom. We'll just scrape along. Don't worry about us." Tithing certainly is a worthy sacrifice, but when we think of it chiefly as that, we start to resent it. And then we might as well not give at all.
Tithing as an investment: Viewed correctly, it's scripturally sound: Jesus told us to store up treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:20). What better way to do that than invest in efforts to help get people there? As pastor and author Mark Driscoll says: "You can't take it with you, but you can send it on ahead." The caution is, we can forget the words in heaven and quickly move from Jesus' teaching to the slot-machine model: Put a check in the offering plate and wait for the quick payout.
"Have to" to "Get to"
So where does that leave us, after 24 years and lots of mistakes? How about . . .
Tithing as an act of worship.
Everything we have is God's. We're just the temporary caretakers. What a privilege to be able to give a chunk of money back to him to be used for his honor. And if the word tithing holds too much legalistic baggage for you—or, conversely, if it's too limiting—then just call it giving.
Do we ever have a season where it's okay not to tithe? In our experience, no. We'll sometimes direct part of that tithe to different places if there's an urgent need. But I don't think it's a good idea to stop tithing to pay off credit-card debt or, I don't know, maybe college tuition. Financial expert Dave Ramsey once told me in an interview that he and his wife tithed all the way into deep debt and all the way back out—the latter half as a way of showing God they trusted him completely. In a bad economy, that still seems like good advice.
I'm convinced that God isn't as concerned about a percentage as he is about an attitude. My wife and I used to give 10 percent of net. Then we increased by 1 percent a year for several years, until we'd reached 10 percent of gross. Now we feel like that's a good base point, and it's supported biblically (Deuteronomy 14 and 26, among many other places). Sometimes we're able to give more and sometimes we're not. But there's no "have to" any more. Now it's "get to." We're free to give as God leads us, and it's a blast.
All of which Paul summarizes perfectly in 2 Corinthians 9:7: "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."
As for those college costs? I don't think it was an accident that the numbers matched so closely to our tithes. We've come to think of it as God simply saying, "Trust me."
Jim Killam, a MarriagePartnership.com regular contributor, teaches journalism at Northern Illinois University and is co-author of Rescuing the Raggedy Man (Xulon).
Thursday, 6 August 2009
What does commitment mean to you?
1. Why do you think commitment is important?
2. Are you more or less committed to your spouse than in the early years of marriage?
3. What do you think you can do to strengthen your commitment to your marriage today?
4. Does your spouse know that you are committed to them no matter what? Read again your wedding vows together again.
5. What difference do you think it would make if you were more vocal in your relationship about your commitment to your spouse?
Spend time with your spouse talking through these questions today. Come on, let's work at this together!
2. Are you more or less committed to your spouse than in the early years of marriage?
3. What do you think you can do to strengthen your commitment to your marriage today?
4. Does your spouse know that you are committed to them no matter what? Read again your wedding vows together again.
5. What difference do you think it would make if you were more vocal in your relationship about your commitment to your spouse?
Spend time with your spouse talking through these questions today. Come on, let's work at this together!
Monday, 3 August 2009
Communication is crucial to really get to know someone
At MKCC we talked yesterday about one of the ingredients that makes a marriage work - communication. We talked about the need to invest quality time in doing this. Plan for it!
When did we last talk about.....?
1. Our Childhood....
2. Our wedding....
3. Our musical tastes....
4. Our finances....
5. Our hopes and dreams....
6. Our fears
7. Our Our sexual relationship
8. Our Christin beliefs and desire to follow Christ
9. Our dream Holiday
10. Our likes and dislikes within our relationship
10. Our future
You can remain at a superficial level in your relationship our discover the joy of intimacy in conversation and really get to know your spouse. I have been surprised many times in my role as a pastor how people can be married for years but do not really know each other. They have never taken the time to really talk and understand each other. Don't let this happen to you. It's your choice!
Talk with your spouse today and get some time booked out to talk together. If you do this, I garauntee it will make a world of difference in your relationship.
When did we last talk about.....?
1. Our Childhood....
2. Our wedding....
3. Our musical tastes....
4. Our finances....
5. Our hopes and dreams....
6. Our fears
7. Our Our sexual relationship
8. Our Christin beliefs and desire to follow Christ
9. Our dream Holiday
10. Our likes and dislikes within our relationship
10. Our future
You can remain at a superficial level in your relationship our discover the joy of intimacy in conversation and really get to know your spouse. I have been surprised many times in my role as a pastor how people can be married for years but do not really know each other. They have never taken the time to really talk and understand each other. Don't let this happen to you. It's your choice!
Talk with your spouse today and get some time booked out to talk together. If you do this, I garauntee it will make a world of difference in your relationship.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)