Don't attack people ask them the question -- Help Me Understand!

Don't attack people ask them the question -- Help Me Understand!

5 WAYS TO DEAL WITH JACKHOLINESS

Brilliant!   Thanks to Dan Rockwell.

Jackholes are part jackass, part asshole.

No one is quite good enough for a jakehole.

Jackholes can’t tolerate:

1. Mistakes. Others make all the mistakes in jackhole land.
2. Falling short. Jackholes don’t fall short.
3. Weakness. What’s that?
4. Progress. Progress is irrelevant. Jackholes have already arrived. 

The trajedy of jackholiness is the inability to develop new leaders.

Intolerance disqualifies jackholes from leadership development.

3 Certainties:

Three things are certain, when no one is quite good enough to be a leader on your team. You’re overestimating your own hotness. Second, you have forgotten where you came from. Last, you’ve lost sight of you’re own jackholiness.

5 ways to deal with jackholiness:

There’s a whiff of jackholiness in all of us. Only a hardened jackhole would think otherwise.

When no one is ever good enough:

#1. Reflect on what you were like when you put your feet under the leadership table for the first time.

1. Afraid.
2. Insecure.
3. Narrow.
4. Arrogant.
5. Clueless.

If I’m not mistaken, you’re still a bit in the dark.

#2. Remember all the people who helped you. Only the most deluded jackholes think they’re self-made.

#3. Recall your failures, not just lessons learned.

Reject the illusion that you were always this wise.  

#4. Live up to your own standards. Jackholes hold others accountable and exempt themselves. Do more than you expect others to do. Do the dirty work.

#5. Learn from people who aren’t good enough. Standing aloof limits your capacity to learn, grow, connect, and serve.

Nothing like learning – from someone who knows less than you – to kick your inner jackhole in the butt.

Bonus: Give trusted allies permission to point out your jackholiness when they see it. (In the moment, not later.) When was the last time you heard something that really stung?

The drift toward jackholiness destroys all who go there.

THE TOP 12 MISSED OPPORTUNITIES OF LEADERSHIP

I’m sure you’re rowing hard - But are you rowing like a leader?

In order to seize opportunities you must recognize them.

The top 12 missed opportunities of leadership:

1. Eliminating ambiguity. Lean into confusion and frustration with openness and optimism.
2. Hearing people’s stories. You can’t effectively lead people you don’t know. In order to inspire, you must know values and aspirations.
3. Moving people from talk to practical behaviors. What are you going to do?
4. Identifying and affirming behaviors that generate energy in others. What energizes team members? Enough with complaining all the time!
5. Clarifying the short-term path forward. Where are we going this week, month, or quarter?
6. Encouraging team members to reflect on satisfaction/disappointment in their work. What are they learning about themselves?
7. Providing broader perspective to people lost in the weeds. Long-term perspective often solves short-term frustration.
8. Eliminating antiquated rules, ineffective behaviors, and irrelevant programs.
9. Inviting the elephant in the room to dance.
10. Addressing nagging performance issues. Your team is waiting for you to speak up.
11. Developing yourself. You still have far to go.
12. Making *vision ubiquitous. You’re adrift until you clearly describe the destination.

The 5 powers of *vision:

Lewis Carroll wrote, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.

1. Vision reveals opportunity. Opportunity for one is distraction to another. For example, eating in a fancy restaurant is distraction the night before an Olympic wrestling match.
2. Vision defines forward movement.
3. Vision enables tough decisions.
4. Vision calls for commitment.
5. Vision energizes endurance.

Decisions, apart from vision, are personal whim and organizational convenience.

3 opportunity tips:

1. Opportunities emerge after you step forward. They don’t find you when you drifting.
2. Choose a small opportunity if a big one isn’t available.
3. Change something. Repeating the same behaviors in the same way yields more of the same.

5 MARKS OF AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP!

What does real and authentic leadership look like? Here is some extremely helpful ideas on becoming the leader you should be. Michael Hyatt shares

“The five marks of authentic leadership." Originally posted by Michael Hyatt

Many people have written on what it means to be a leader. Almost everyone identifies influence as the primary characteristic. By definition, this means that leadership and position are two different things. You can have a title, and a position of power, but this does not mean that you are a leader. Even people without these things can exert influence and thus leadership.

But leadership is more than influence. It certainly includes influence, but it is more. I believe it includes at least five characteristics. When I speak on this topic, I call these “the five marks of authentic leadership”:

1.  Authentic leaders have insight.

Sometimes we refer to this as vision, but that usually has exclusive reference to the future. While leaders must have vision, they need more. They need wisdom and discernment. They need to be able to look at complex situations, gain clarity, and determine a course of action. In the Bible, “[The] men of Issachar … understood the times and knew what Israel should do” (1 Chronicles 12:32). This is what I mean by insight.

2.  Authentic leaders demonstrate initiative.

They go first. They don’t sit on the sidelines. They don’t ask others to do what they are unwilling to do themselves. Instead, they lead by example. Lt. Col. Hal Moore is a great example of this. Famously depicted by Mel Gibson in the movie, We Were Soldiers, Lt. Moore told his troops, before leaving for Vietnam,

We are going into battle against a tough and determined enemy. I can’t promise you that I will bring you all home alive. But this I swear, before you and before Almighty God: that when we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I’ll be the last to step off. And I will leave no one behind. Dead or alive, we will all come home together, so help me God.”

3.  Authentic leaders exert influence.

It’s no coincidence that influence and influenza (the flu) come from the same root word. Real leaders are contagious.  People “catch” what they have. People are drawn to their vision and their values. They are able to gather a following and move people to act. To change metaphors, they are like human wave pools, creating a ripple effect wherever they go.

4.  Authentic leaders have impact.

At the end of the day, leaders make a difference. The world is changed because of their leadership. They are able to create real and lasting change. Unless something has shifted, they aren’t leaders. They are only entertainers. There is a big difference. The measure of leadership cannot be found in the leader; it is found in the impact the leader has on his or her followers.

5.  Authentic leaders exercise integrity.

Not every leader is benevolent. Adolf Hitler was a leader, as was Mao Zedong and Josef Stalin. They had insight, initiative, influence, and impact. Yet their lives were not integrated with the highest values. Integrity—or the lack thereof—ultimately determines the quality of a person’s impact. In a sense, this is the foundation of authentic leadership.

Leaders must be deliberate and intentional if they are to be successful. These five qualities can guide us as we grow in our ability to lead.

STOP WASTING ENERGY – DELIVER THE REAL RESULTS OF LEADERSHIP

Confusion regarding the real results of leadership causes leaders to waste their time doing the wrong things.

The real results of leadership are people and teams who live up to their potential.

The tragedy of lousy leadership is wasted talent.

6 signs of successful leadership:

1. Teams respect and leverage each other’s talent. 
2. Management has focus.
3. Teammates believe they matter.
4. Individuals feel safe enough to try new things.
5. Organizations enjoy high morale.
6. Everyone embraces a “make it better” approach. “Good enough” isn’t good enough.

6 behaviors that deliver the real results of leadership:

#1. Eliminate distractions. Define what matters more by helping people stop wasting time, talent, and resources on what matters least. Try asking, “What are you doing that prevents you from giving your time and energy to what matters now?”

#2. Highlight progress while working to make things better. “How can we make this better?”

#3. Call out drifting. “You’re better than this.” Real respect expects others to bring their best. 

1. What do you want for yourself?
2. What are you actively doing to achieve what you want for yourself?
3. How can I maximize your potential?
4. How can we hold each other accountable?

#4. Point out what isn’t working with a solution orientation. Lean into awkward situations.

1. This doesn’t seem right. Is it ok with you?
2. This isn’t what we agreed to do. How can we get back on track?
3. We’re falling short. What can we do to make this better?

#5. Set measurable goals with people, not for them.

1. How might you build on past success?
2. How might you reach higher?
3. When will the next step be done?
4. How are you challenging yourself?

Embrace aspiration over irritation.

#6. Coach – don’t drive – people to achievement.STOP WASTING ENERGY – DELIVER

12 Dont's of Tough conversations

A great Post by Dan Rockwell

Success includes not shooting yourself in the foot!

12 Don’ts of Tough Conversations:

1. Don’t use “we” when you mean “you”.
2. Never allow fuzzy language. Exercise candor and precision when fuzzy feels safe.
3. Don’t press through when emotion is high. Emotional stress limits creative solution-finding. Self-justification is inevitable.
4. Don’t drag things out. Take a break for emotions to cool (#3 above.), but don’t wait till next week. Urgency is appropriate if it’s an important issue. Why all the emotion if things can drag out for a month or two? Emotional stress may indicate that things have dragged on too long.
5. Never have the same conversation three times. Unacceptable behavior becomes acceptable when allowed to persist. Impose higher controls and granular accountability if problems persist.
6. Forget about offering options when you aren’t willing to discuss them. If you’re going to give direction, do it.
7. Don’t adopt an adversarial posture. Help teammates get what they want. You lose when you try to win a tough conversation.
8. Don’t take responsibility to fix someone. No one enjoys being fixed. People grow. They don’t need fixed.
9. Don’t expect someone to excel where they lack aspiration, talent or strength. If this is dragging on for months, adjust their responsibilities, reassign them, or manage them out.
10. Never offer suggestions before others design their own. Don’t solve problems for people. “What would you like to do about this?” Develop three or four possible solutions and choose one.
11. Don’t keep controlling. Give freedom as you see progress. The rule of thumb is controls go up as problems persist and down as progress is achieved.
12. Don’t speak down. Poor leadership skills contribute to nagging issues. Maybe procrastinating – on your part – has made the situation worse. If you think you have it all together, you don’t.

What should leaders avoid  during tough conversations?